Why Self-Help Books Cannot Help

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     I always look forward to Tuesday edition of two leading broadsheet newspapers in the Philippines.  Tuesday is Wellness Day for both newspapers and a lot of interesting articles can be read and learned from them.  Last Tuesday, I got interested in one article that contained information related to what I have always read.  The author whined about her being stuck with her seemingly unhappy life despite reading a lot of self-help books.  She also lamented about those self-styled gurus whose only aim is to steal money from people who are clueless about the self-help seminars they attend all the time.  The author would like to tell her readers that she does not anymore believe in those books that contain pretty words coated with sugar, most of the time, and spice, once in a while, to make them really attractive to people who are hopeless and do not anymore know where to find a way out.  Those books do not help her and she becomes frustrated all the time.  However, once in a while, she finds herself hiding in between bookshelves reading another self-help books.

     I am a fan of self-help books.  In fact, most of my books, like 90%, fall into this category-self-help.  I really do not deny my earnest desire for self-improvement.  I understand how the author feels particularly when her desperation always get in the way of attempting to transform herself.  Over the years that I spent reading this kind of books, I have discovered some reasons why self-help books cannot really help one move from unfavorable situation to a condition where there is complete peace, harmony, love and abundance.

     Expecting an overnight cure or miracle.  When someone buys a book that he thinks can make him expel all of his negative thoughts in one reading, well the answer is a big NO.  Sure you can always feel that they have been thrown out of your system but expect a big comeback.  It takes a while, weeks, months, even years, to fully eradicate them from your system.  They always return to you particularly when there is an event, person or thing that will trigger you to remember them.  Always do the prescribed exercises and test them to see if they really work for you.  You can always say that the exercises are effective after doing them for quite sometime.

     Unmindful of many issues that need to be resolved first.  First, you have to know what is bothering you, why you need the book and what it can do for you.  Is it lack of money that keeps you insane?  Or the kind of love that you have always wanted?  What do you think are the reasons  you always run out of money?  Why do you have to struggle to find that someone special in your life?  May be you need to be "clear" on some issues and how you want to be "clear" would be a good reason for buying a book.  Look within you first and not on some external but minor tormentors.

     You only read the book and think but you forget to act.  I admit that I was like this during my early years of reading self-help books.  I just read them, forget about them and just think of them whenever I remember some lines.  I do not bother to write important findings and facts that will surely help my life to be better.  I was expecting some magical moments by just thinking of them.  I forgot to do those exercises that would tell me they were really effective and life-changing.  Now, I write some lines, important ones, especially when they resonate with me and aligned with what I want to achieve.  Also, I do those exercises.  They work.

     You do not like to read the book again.  This is important.  Many times, when I re-read a book I discover some important lines that I was not able to see the first time I read the book.  They serve, always, as missing keys to really understand the book.  If you have missed the keys, you would always say that the book is non-sense.  Sometimes, you have to read it thrice.  Most people, if they really like the book, read it over and over again. Each time they do, they always discover something new which inspires them.

     You are not ready to change.   May be this is the real reason why you always fail in your life.  You do not allow yourself to move on and change.  Are you afraid of the new life that you will experience after the transformation?  Do you dread moving out of your comfort zone?  Think again.  When you tell yourself that you want to go in a place where peace, love, harmony and abundance reign, you must come out of your shell and do something.  It really depends on you.  The decision comes first, then the action.  You are 100% responsible for what is happening in your life including the changes that you have to embrace.




     The book alone cannot help you.  Self-help means help yourself.  The owner of that book will have to realize that he is in charge of his own life and beautiful transformation would only come if he permits himself to act and allow the changes to happen.  Book cannot move.  You cannot hear it say those written words.  Moreover, it won't divulge the magical life that  it promises unless you do some actions, inspired actions.  Stop whining and ranting.  Do what you are told to do and expect great results.  Self-help books can help.  Only if you help yourself.

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2011: Get Ready To Receive Your Good

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     You have planted the seeds a few months back.  You have continually watered them by affirming positive thoughts connected to your goals.  So why are you feeling anxious about them?  Maybe you have been constantly peeking at those seeds you have planted and each small growth seems oblivious to your prying eyes.  Why can't you just stay put and forget about those seeds.  Meaning, let them grow, allow them to sprout and display their budding stems until they reach their full growth.  This behavior creates a feeling of uneasiness and doubt on your part.  That only means there are things running in your mind that would eventually stunt the growth of those seeds.  Consequently, that will result to frustration, resentment and disappointment on your part.  You have beliefs and feelings that contradict the good thoughts in your mind.  Unless you let them go, your creation will just be put into waste.  You will never see the beautiful results or manifestation of those seeds.

     Limiting Beliefs

     You still have negative, burning issues in you that need to be addressed and until they are thrown to the trash can, you will never experience success in your life.  Meditate on these issues like " I am not capable of doing it," "I do not deserve success." "I won't be able to get rich doing what I like," "my friends may never be able to support me."  They keep you from acting from inspiration.  All you get is frustration that leads to procrastination.  You tend to postpone important things that you have to do for the day.  Instead, you spend time brooding on things that keep you from moving forward.  When I have negative feelings about things, people and circumstances, I like to go to a quiet place and close my eyes.  I meditate to release the negative feeling I have.  I just say, "as  I breathe out, I release all anger, fear, worry, hatred and guilt."  Sometimes I say, "I release all the toxins from my body."  I just trust my healing ability to take care of those trash and later on, I feel really better.

     Positive Feeling

     When you feel better, that means you are feeling positive, things fall into their proper places.  You get to your office on time, you are able to finish your work ahead of time, people come or appear in front of you just when you think you need them.  You can easily attract the things you need and desire.  You become brave and bold, you are able to express who you are even to people whom you considered your enemies.  Meaning, nothing and no one can keep you from doing what you want.  In the absence of limiting beliefs, the positive feeling prevails.  Like what we have learned before, positive attracts positive, like attracts like.  From the teachings of Abraham(from Jerry and Esther Hicks), when you are always feeling better and you are able to maintain this throughout the day, you will definitely attract abundance, good health, great relationship.  Easier said than done.  But I have tried it for a few days and |I noticed that I had really great days compared to when I got irritated for quite sometime- all my projects went pffft!  They did not prosper, that is.

      There are a few things that you have to remember when working on your goals.  These must be followed or else months will pass without seeing the fruit of your labor:

     1)  Be clear of what you want:  This is the catch.  You can't write your goals without knowing what you really want.  Yes, you want to be successful, but how?  Is it by putting up a business?  By doing Network Marketing?  By writing?  By acting in a movie?  You have to decide which one you will pursue.  You can never be successful doing all of those, really.  You will just spread all the energy you have and will not accomplish anything.  This is the essence of being clear of what you want.

     2)  Focus, focus, focus:  If you only focus on what you want to happen in your life, there is no doubt that you will attain what you want to be.  You have to forget those enemies that keep telling you to forget your dreams.  Do not be distracted by sad stories of people who committed a lot of mistakes by pursuing the same goals.  You have your own style and manner in working on your goals, so keep moving, only moving - straight ahead without bothering to move in opposite direction.

    3)  Appreciate the things that surround you now:  By being grateful even with the little things you have now, you are setting your vibration in a high level making you attractive to things that make you happy.  Do not resent the pair of shoes that you use all the time.  Bless it so that another pair comes to you sooner than later.  The little house where you live now can make you aspire for a bigger one, so don't hate it.  Where you are at the moment is perfect for you.  You know why?  You are given the time to think of your great future, clear your clutter, be clear on your negative emotion, gather your thoughts, empower yourself.  In other words, this is the best time for you to make things right for you.  That is why you are perfect where you are, it means there is a need for you to work your way to the top.

     4)  Stay hopeful, motivated, inspired:  There will be times when you are feeling tired and irritated because nothing great seems to happen despite your many, many actions and reactions.  Don't you know that most of the times, you have to be quiet and observant?  I do not mean that you just stay sleeping and sitting all the time and do nothing.  Just do what you think is necessary, do not overdo things nor overreact on some unusual happenings.  Keep the happy feeling so you stay motivated, inspired and hopeful.  There are many things that can be accomplished when you are relaxed and focus in the "now."

     5)  Trust In God:  God is watching you all the time and all you have to do is trust Him.  Why?  Because he is also trusting you.  He lets you do what you want, do whatever you think is right because He trusts you.  The power, intelligence and energy are all with you so He expects only the best from you.


     When you have thought about those things nothing will prevent you from falling.  You will only soar high.  You will get what you want.  But the question now is:  Are you ready to receive?  Be sure to answer in the positive note.  The year 2011 has just begun, only a few days old.  But we have to get ready to receive now and not waste a lot of months and procrastinate.  The Law of Attraction is always working and we will accomplish more when we know what we want, how to receive it and when to receive it.  So, get ready to receive your good, NOW.

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Getting Rich Is A Serious Business

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     Getting rich is the ultimate goal of all, I guess.  From the very first time that a man saw some paper bills, he immediately made a decision to acquire tons and tons of money.  There is nothing wrong with having this kind of ambition- to get rich.  Come to think of it, when you have money you have many things to do, buy and yes- but some would not really do- give.  Money creates a different kind of energy that keeps you going even if you have been working for more than ten hours in a day.  That is not surprising because the energy of money is positive and when you have the same energy, you two become inseparable.  People have different views as to how one can become rich.  Old schools say that you have to study hard and get a good job.  Once you have it, work your way to the top. But today's generation provides a number of opportunities to earn unlimited income with the advanced technologies we acquire nowadays.  There is no excuse to be idle or be a couch potato for long when every corner presents different options for you to claim your riches.  But the question is, are these choices the easiest ways to generate millions of money in a short time?  That can make you not only think twice but twenty times I guess to be able to make a sensible answer.  In fact, you have to consider several factors before you join the millionaire-wanna-bes in their quest for their ultimate dream.

Feelings/Beliefs About Money
     When you have difficulty attracting money into your life it is very likely that you have beliefs or feelings that do not support your goal- becoming rich.  Do you believe you deserve to receive millions of money?  Do you also believe that God wants you to be rich?  If you have answered NO  to all of those questions, you have beliefs that do not empower you or keeping you from achieving your goal.  All motivational speakers and success gurus are one and all in saying that before you can claim your riches, all your negative beliefs and feelings about money must go.  You must be "clear" before you can work on your money.  Examine your feelings about money, do you have two stories about it?  You want money but you can't have the job you want.  You want money but your family is really poor and uneducated and it is impossible for you to be rich.  Focus on one story all the time and be sure it is positive.  You want money because you can buy your dream house, car and latest gadgets.  You want money because you want to have a company of your own.  Things like that shift your feelings to be on the positive side and when you do so, more golden opportunities will be presented to you. You can attract your money sooner than later.  Another thing, do not hate your bills.  Just don't take much of your time analyzing why you spent huge sums on not so valuable things.  Be still, stay calm.  Affirm that all will be paid.  Don't you noticed that when you are calm, you can think of better solutions to your problems?  Remember that.

Make A Research/Study
     When you decide to get rich, you have to study how millionaires got their millions, what do they do and read, how they decide on things related to money.  Getting rich means you have to be in the business of the rich.  Although not all will tell about their trade secrets, I guess they do not really want to tell at all, you will get some ideas that will surely help you to get there.  But one thing is sure.  Millionaires have many sources of income, the so-called multiple streams of income.  You can't get rich if you have only one business, unless you are that already made before running a flourishing business.  When I realized that there must be multiple streams of income to get rich, it dawned on me that the reason why most people become thieves or robbers is that what they know is not enough.  You have to do your own assignment and assess yourself where you want to spend your precious time to earn big, big bucks.  Get your mentors.  Mentors are not limited to being flesh and blood.  You can buy books that you think supports your goals.  Try to attend seminars that will empower you and motivate you to get into your ultimate dream.

Millionaire Mountains
     In the book One Minute Millionaire by Robert G. Allen and Mark Victor Hansen, the authors enumerated the so-called Millionaire Mountains as sources of millions.  There are four of them and they believe that you have interest in one or maybe all of them.  They are Investments, Real Estate, Business and Internet.  We all know that people with lots of money not only invest in stocks but also trade.  But here, people who go into this must know or at least familiar with the ins and outs of this business.  Also included in the Investments area are mutual funds and bonds.  More are familiar with Real Estate, you buy and eventually sell the property and that is how you make money.  In this book they give an idea to those who are interested to go on this business without money down.  This is where Robert Kiyosaki earns his multi-millions.  In Business, there is this old saying that you have to know what product is hot in the market and if you find your prospective buyers, then create that product.  It still works up to know.  Others are advised to find something that they enjoy and find their market.  If there is a market for it, then create the product.  For the Internet, this is the newest among the four mountains.  I have read many people who have become multi-millionaires by just sitting in their houses and working with their computers.  The Internet has given a great opportunity to those who opted to work from home and still earn huge amount of money at the same time.  Mr. Allen backs the selling of information materials such as how-to topics to those who love to shop on the net.  If one can write a book, he can sell it in different versions-book itself, e-book and the audio version.  According to him, there is money in selling information materials especially to those who love to write.  Now, you can choose from the four mountains or better yet, get into those four and see how much money you make from them.

     So you see, it is not enough that you make an intention to get rich, you must act as well.  The action must be well-planned and studied.  It involves much of your time, energy and soul.  As you learn, you make money.  As you make money, you learn more.  As you learn more, you become an expert on your chosen field.  When you become an expert, you become a millionaire to multi-millionaire.  It is a process because it involves your time, effort, energy and your soul.  It is really a serious business.
  

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What's In A Label?

     Haven't you noticed when you are meeting a new friend, he would always ask you, "what do you do?"  It seems a simple question but that makes you think hard because you want to impress him.  Sometimes you would reply with "well, I manage my own business."  When this new friend introduces you to his group  he says, "I want you to meet a new friend, he is a businessman."  You wanted to introduce yourself to your new friend as a manager but he decided to call you a businessman.  In that case, you earned two labels.

     Labels make a person important to everyone he meets.  It's like a title that is constantly clinging under his name and that really bears a price to most people.  You always know that there are people who will do everything just so they will not lose their positions in companies or well-known organizations because a label gives them prestige and honor.  In the company where one is a Chief Executive Officer, he can demand almost everything from his employees.  The label CEO means power and money and most employees like to reach this position because of the many benefits the label or title has.  The subordinates look at their bosses like gods that must be pleased all the time or else they lose their precious jobs.

   After office hours, a person has another label once he goes home.  He could be a father, son or uncle and each label has different functions depending on his duty that day.  However, he could also be all of those labels when other relatives are present in his house.  He could be a friend to others or a buyer when he goes shopping.  But really, what is in a label?  Do we really deserve all the labels that we have?  Are they just like titles that we want to attach to our names just so others will know that we make sense in this world?  Whatever your answer is, those labels are not really important because as you go on with your life you will definitely be stripped of those titles one by one.  Sometimes you would lose two in a row.  Now you are a husband and many years from now, wife may pass away and you lose a label.  There could be moments that your being father to your only son would be impossible once you lose him.  It is very natural that you will get lonely after losing a member of your family and also your label/title.  Until all of them are gone.

     When I closed my business many years ago, I could never think of a label that I could attach to my name or myself.  I thought it would be a real shame to have no label accompanying a person's name.  I was forced to hide in our house for a while until I finally resolved the issue.  Without a label, I was still the same person.  I could still make reasonable demands and go shopping like I used to do.  Only labels were gone not my whole being, not my whole self.  To this day, I still affirm this statement.

     Being the child of God, I am complete.  No label can make me above all else.  Labels can be used to lighten my loads, to be where I want to be and to get what I want.  But I can always have all the things I desire even if I do not have great labels.  The only way that could make me away from what I want is to be a negative person because being that way,  all I can attract are negative situations.  Even if I have many labels and continue to be negative, no good things will come to me.  However, you can enjoy the many labels you earn and to make them more meaningful, you have to do what is expected from those labels and you.  That way you always make sense.

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Have A Child-Like Attitude

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     The moment I see my nieces and nephews when they come to our house, there are attitudes I observe from them that I always remind myself to remain in me.  When I get to talk to them, I hear people who are dreamers, courageous, brave and always on the go.  When I see them tapping a computer keyboard, I see future web designers, computer wizards who are creative and talented that no companies will ever ignore.  They do not mind what other will say of them for as long as they show who they really are, such trait is something that successful people have.

     I just hope these attitudes of them will always remain in them as they associate with other people.  We were like them before but when we grew up we learned from others that we had to acquire other traits that adults should have.  We suppressed a number of emotions that seemed unforgivable in adults such as giggling in front of others especially when we talk about our dreams, showing too much care and admiration to others whenever we find them adorable and cute.  But these feelings help us get by with every day tormentors and stresses.  The reason why we have a hard time moving on and getting back with our senses is that we lose our child-like attitude when we reach adulthood.  Some dreams fade away and this make us don another costume or personality which fits the world we are at the present.  Just as I have observed a former classmate who used to be the class' clown but turned timid and shy guy now.  I just miss the laughter and fun he gave us before.  Now, he is like a robot which you have to pinch and press just so he can start talking.  Oh boy, that, I think, is not good after all.

     So why do we have to retain our child-like attitude which most adults think we should leave behind once we become grown-ups?
-  We retain our creativity which is important in doing whatever we want.  Imagine doing our projects without colors, words and pictures to make them comprehensible?  We can't do anything good if we just rely on the words that we only know, the colors that we have at the moment, the pictures that cannot describe fully what we are trying to say.  What we do represents our selves and it is only when we are creative can we do such wonderful creation.
-  We need to have the courage to go on and achieve our goals.  When we suppressed our feelings, it is difficult for us to run and work on our dreams because we are afraid that what we do or the way we do it will offend others.  We hate criticisms so we  always do what others like us to do and we end up mediocre because it is not what we want to do.
-  Every child is very curious in every little thing he holds or sees.  He is not afraid to ask questions, even stupid question for as long as the information satisfies his curiosity.  Most adults would never show his curiosity and ask mundane questions as this behavior is mistaken to be ignorant attitude.  This is the reason why some never really grow up.  They lack some knowledge that can help them advance in their careers.
-  A child is never afraid to show his real self.  He always does things that will only make him happy.  He is proud of what he has and likes to brag about them.  He is very imaginative and he even wants to explore on all the things that interest him.  He has a carefree attitude that always works to his advantage.
-  A child always wants to be happy.  His happiness is one reason why he is fearless to join contests, to talk to strangers, to visit new places, to try new things even if it will result to failure.  To him, every experience is important because he is always learning from it.

     These are some of the reasons why adults should not leave behind those seemingly foolish attitudes.  When we take them wherever we go, we are bound to create success in life.  We do not have to suppress those behaviors that will eventually lead to a more enjoyable journey.  Who we are is what we need to achieve our goals.  Who we are is perfect, complete and enough.  We do not have to change it nor hide it.  We only have to show it   When we do that, our life is truly enjoyable.

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Taming Your Inner Critic

    Have you ever noticed the time when you were about to do a project or a thing that you have doing, something would keep you from doing it?  Sometimes a problem would come up but most of the time you could never realize the reason behind that incident.  The truth is no external force was stopping you from doing what you want.  It is your inner critic that keeps you from being productive and creative as well.   I have observed this feeling and most of the time my inner critic wins which pushes me to procrastinate and feeling frustrated in the end.  When I purchased a book about writing which was authored by Tom Bird, I learned that our left brain is responsible for having this inner critic active during writing.  However, there is a part of our brain, which is the right brain, that can control and tame that inner critic.  The author suggested that a writer must set aside a time for writing and usually it is best to write after a good night sleep or an afternoon siesta because the left side of the brain is not yet active.  But what if you want to write in the middle of the day and you know that both sides of the brain are active?  Well, he revealed that one will always struggle to finish even just a page of what he writes.  Both sides are bombarding the writer with conflicting thoughts and it will always be like you are in a battle during this period. 

     Your inner critic can zap your energy and prevent you from doing the things that you like.  It will always

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block your creativity leaving you a copycat or a mediocre artist and you know where you are going when you become like one.  Your inner critic is capable of sabotaging your career and is always there even if you do not ask its opinion about the thing that you do.  If you are unable to silence or at least control your inner critic it will eventually leave you fearful and always hiding in your shell.  How will you be able to accomplish all your goals if you allow fear to reside in your being?  You can never be able to advance even a step toward your goal once your inner critic tells you that what you are about to do is useless and worthless.

     I have found a way to tame my inner critic.  Just before I do something  I do tapping.  I tap my meridian points whenever I feel that something is getting in the way of what I do.  This tapping technique is called Emotional Freedom Technique.  This makes use of your fingers to tap targeted points or areas of your body and at the same time reciting some lines or phrases.  If you inner critic keeps on chatting and you feel so confused you will step back and refrain from doing what you got to do.  Naturally, you feel upset and frustrated and the reason for being so is your meridian points or channels where energy is moving have been blocked.  Only by doing the tapping procedure can you release the energy that has been trapped in your meridian points.  You can search for it in Google and You Tube.  One notable personality in this field is Brad Yates.  He has a lot of videos about tapping techniques and it can be applied in almost all problems that you have.  I will write about EFT in my next article.

     For now, you know that there is a solution to taming your inner critic so it will never interfere with any of you desires.  Realize that it is always present and you can allow it to talk to you but only up to the point where you can still function well .

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The Way We Were

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     A few days ago I had the rare chance of bonding with my former neighbors whom I missed so much.  We had so much fun reminiscing our good old days when we used to play hide and seek in some deserted houses nearby.  I rudely interrupted the conversation as my eyes gazed upon the cellphone a friend was holding.  "Nice phone dude," I said to her.  "Oh, thanks.  It's not the one with the Apple logo but I like it a lot.  I can track down my friends' whereabouts.  You know, everyone is addicted to facebook."  We laughed at her comment but we noticed that she frowned, revealing deeper lines between her eyebrows.  "Hey. what's the matter?"  I asked her.  "Well. I saw this cute little boy outside their house holding the same phone I have now. Kinda strange because I remember, when I was at his age I wouldn't know how to use this gadget and yet..."  "You are so insecure!"  Another friend told her.

     That makes me wonder...Our childhood days were full of fun, laughter and kicks without those gadgets like cellphone, digital cameras, Kindles and the likes.  I could never imagine ourselves holding them without our parents' permission.  We were contented with simple, little things but gave us tremendous joy in our lives.  At least, during our younger days diabetes affecting children was unheard of because we were always outside our houses and we would always run and run until we run out of breaths.  Although we were always drinking chocolates every  morning, the sugar in our blood was always used to the max because the activities that we used to do required us to move a lot.  But now, I see children with big tummies and hands that could break any cellphone by just a minimal pressure.

     Another gadget that was missing then but really needed now is the computer or laptop.  I really like these stuff but the danger is that nowadays, very few children go out and play the way we used to do.  Children now spend too much time sitting in front of the computer and chat along with their friends in social networking sites.  There is nothing wrong with that but it makes them lazy to go out and stretch out.  Before they reach adulthood, they will be bothered by illnesses caused by adapting a couch potato lifestyle.  They no longer spend some energy to meet up with friends outside their homes and they just greet them through their pages sometimes with words only they can comprehend.

     Really, these new inventions have their pros and cons and people must be aware of them.  Some would never live without them.  It is good to have them really, but not to the point of making them the only the way to socialize and live a novel kind of life.  There is also life outside your homes.  Much more real and cheaper, most of the times.  Socializing with people face to face is still the best way to gain knowledge and also confidence.  Holding them in person makes them feel so real to you.  Their true motives are  not hidden, what you see is what you get.  You get to move a lot, laugh a lot and that means, you are burning your calories.

     Life is like that.  You gain a point but sometimes you lose two points at the same time.  Be wary of what you are doing now.  Your interests widen making you appear like an intelligent, well informed person.  But then, how is your health?  Your true worth? What really is important to you now?  Be your own judge as you travel to the next decade where the robots are said to take the place of some human assistants.
 

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